Why you’re struggling to recruit (and how to fix it without sounding desperate)

I have a confession…

There was a time in my business when I was sabotaging my own recruiting efforts without realizing it.

I’m an excitable person, and I LOVED recruiting - which, in theory, should have been a great combination.

But instead of attracting people to my team, I was scaring them off. 

I remember one conversation so clearly. I’d just spent 20 minutes hyping up the opportunity, convinced that this person would be perfect for the team and said "I would love to have you - I am desperate for people to join me" 

Funnily enough they didn't join.... 

Because let’s be honest, who wants to join someone who’s desperate?

Desperation doesn’t say "exciting opportunity." It says "JOIN MY TEAM". 

And here’s the thing: even when I stopped saying it, I was still giving off that energy.

And potential recruits? They could feel it.  I call it the 'Desperate for a boyfriend' vibe... and it's not attractive.

It took me way too long to realize that people don’t join because you need them to.

They join because they see how this solves a problem for THEM.

1️⃣ Why Recruiting Feels So Hard (and what’s really going on)

If you’ve been frustrated with people not joining, it’s NOT because:
❌ You’re not good enough.
❌ You’re not working hard enough.
❌ You just need “more leads.”

The problem is that most people don’t join a direct sales business for the reasons you think.

You’re making it about YOU, not them

No one wakes up thinking, “I really hope someone messages me today about joining their team.”  or "When I go to the gym I hope I meet a direct seller who talks to me about joining their team". 

What they do wake up thinking is:
👉 “I need to make more money.”
👉 “I’m so over this job.”
👉 “I wish I had more flexibility.”

If your focus is on your goals - more recruits, a growing team - you’re missing the mark.

✅ The Fix: Shift the Conversation

Instead of:
❌ “You’d be great at this!”
❌ “It’s such a great opportunity!”

Ask:
✔ “How do you see this fitting into your life?”
✔ “What would earning an extra £200 a month do for you?”
✔ “What’s missing from your life that you wish you had more of?”

This positions your opportunity as THEIR solution, instead of making it feel like you’re asking them for a favour.

2️⃣ They Don’t Believe They Can Be Successful

Even when someone loves what you do, they might still think:
👉 “I’m not a salesperson.”
👉 “I wouldn’t be good at it.”
👉 “I don’t have the confidence.”

Here’s the truth: most objections are actually fears in disguise.

People aren’t saying no because they don’t want this…
They’re saying no because they don’t think they can do it.

✅ The Fix: Reassure & Redirect

❌ DON’T: Say, “Oh, it’s easy! Anyone can do it.” (They won’t believe you.)
✔ DO: Say, “That’s exactly why we support you every step of the way. No one starts out knowing everything.”

Confidence comes from action. Your job is to show them that they won’t be doing this alone.

3️⃣ Weak Closes That Lead to Ghosting

This was a big one for me.

I used to end conversations with:
🚫 “Let me know if you have any questions.”
🚫 “Just think about it and get back to me.”
🚫 “When would be a good time for me to come back to you?”

And then… crickets.

Because here’s the truth: People won’t chase YOU. You have to lead them to the next step.

✅ The Fix: Close with Confidence

🔥 Instead of “Let me know if you have any questions” ➡️

✅ "I know you’ll have questions, so shall I check in in two days - say Wednesday at 10 AM or 2 PM?"

🔥 Instead of “Just think about it and get back to me” ➡️
✅ "I’ll check back in a couple of days to see what you think—does that work for you?"

🔥 Instead of “When would be a good time for me to follow up?” ➡️
✅ "Would you prefer I check back in next week or next month?"

This keeps the door open without making it easy for them to disappear.

Final Thoughts: Stop Chasing, Start Connecting

The moment I stopped focusing on ME and started focusing on THEM, everything changed.

No more desperation. No more chasing. Just real conversations that help people see what’s possible.

Final thought: it’s not about convincing, it’s about clarity

If people aren’t saying yes, it’s rarely because they don’t want to - it’s because they don’t fully see how this fits into their life yet.

So before you jump to handling objections, ask yourself:
👉 Have I made this feel like their solution?
👉 Have I made it clear how this could work for them?
👉 Have I actually asked them to join in a confident, direct way?

💡 Final Rule: never leave a conversation without a next step.